#and make myself worse
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Really gotta stop putting what my sister wants over what i want.
Like i get that she worries and wants to take me out with friends.
But after a full day out at an aquapark i knew going out for dinner and then going partying would be too much
No now Im just overwhelmed and want to cry lol
Just wanna be alone and rest 😭
#i dont wanna screw up her fun tho#so im just gonna keep at it#and make myself worse#i love her and am worried for her#but like i should just say no and not let her convince me otherwise#hate everything
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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let time pass.
#and the tears come streaming down your face#when you lose something you can't replace#when you love someone but it goes to waste#could it be worse?#Light will guide you home and ignite your bones#and I will try to fix you#thank you tom hiddleston for making fix you the lokius anthem#I'm still in mourning over the loki finale and I had to make something to make myself feel a little better#I hope this can help you a little too#or make it worse#haha#wanted to try something new#loki#lokius#lokius fanart#loki fanart#loki and mobius#loki season 2#loki season 2 fanart#loki mobius#loki laufeyson#loki god of stories#mobius m. mobius#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#my art#fanart#digital art#lokius comic#loki comic
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More adventures in watching Danny Phantom:
#This is actual dialogue yes I had to add those subtitles myself yes I shittily edited the meme for this#Oh yeah and yes the actual audio in the show makes this worse#danny phantom#The Fenton menace
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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playing around w slightly different hair renders
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#yuuji#megumi#cries megumi fought tooth n nail..... i refused 2 flip the canvas tho >:(#i vastly prefer drawing him facing right bc fr some reason it makes his hair look better silhouette-wise#so having him face left is alr a Challenge#but also having him slightly look down (difficult angle + changes the silhouette) had me bashing my head in2 th TABLE#same thing happened earlier this month w gardening megu middle pose . i did not learn my lesson#but even worse w this one yuuji's head is blocking th main pointy part tht basically carries the entirety of the shape language#u can imagine my distress i am sure#anyway th render made me a lot happier with it thank god. colours hard carry bless <3333#i didn't plan on making it a full sheet but i needed 2 remind myself that im good at drawing megumi#so i threw in solos of each of them n tried slightly different render flavours#idk how Different all of them look visually but th process fr each ws Very different so i am satisfied#fight aside this ws useful i think! got 2 break out some Clunkier chalks n dust off a few of my smoother blended brushes#think i picked up some things i can keep also !! which ws. u kno. the Goal#tbh every time i do art studies i feel like i am kirby#one time i got called an art ditto by one of my fav artist mutuals when i did a style challenge#SUCH high praise from her it lives in my mind i take it out on days when i feel like trash#it doesnt Sound good when u say u r good at copying but real talk it is such a good skill i am very happy 2 have it in my arsenal
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self-made north star
#art#coyote#coyotes#printmaking#linocut#linoleum print#traditional#traditional art#my art#i've had. so much shit going on lately artwork-wise and i've been scrambling to get like. five different things done this past#week i am TIRED and i have to teach every day this week i will be a fine paste come monday#when i can finally take a day and. not do anything. good lord#on the bright side my stuff is coming out well so. could be worse#i love youuuu lino prints#this one's big bc i was like. i want a coyote shirt but i know the vibes i want so. i will make it myself#i've been too busy to print this on clothes yet but. i will. by god
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“... there's so many layers to that to unpack because the characters are communicating in subtext in different scenes as well.”
#caught myself smiling like an idiot while making this#which is bad because is with someone i don't know#and even worse when that someone is a man lmao#just wanted to have his pretty fucking eyes here for a bit#sebastian stan#sebastianstanedit#sebstanedit#fysebastianstan#sstanedit#stansclan#gbbb
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something people just don’t think about is how often chronically ill and disabled people just don’t have access to good food. not healthy food, good food; well made, tasty meals that don’t come from a jar or a freezer. how many of us are housebound or can’t drive? delivery services only offer within certain distances, if you live outside a city they aren’t an option. many people don’t have the energy or ability to cook for themselves if they have the skill to begin with. many certainly don’t have the ability to learn how. it’s something that goes completely unnoticed, just the opportunity to have a good meal and how much that wears you down
#all i want is chinese food#the closest one to me is 40 minutes away and its a /bad/ chinese place#its my worst option and its not even an option#‘fried rice is easy to make heres a recipe!’#i cant use a stove bc the heat will give me a seizure#even if i keep myself cool something that should take 15 minutes will take upwards of an hour bc i need to take breaks#even then ill probably be too nauseous to eat it after being active for so long#all of that for a bad cooks version of fried rice#more expensive and worse than a takeaway place#but i cant get it from a takeaway place#repeat ad nauseum for the rest of my life and is it any wonder im so sick of the same food ive eaten for 10 years#the only time i get takeaway is when my parents decide to go out and bring something home#can you imagine living like that for the rest of your life?#i dont have to#and its so dumb to want to cry over rice#but its not really about the rice is it#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#chronic illness#disability#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#ehlers danlos syndrome#fibromyalgia#chronic fatigue#chronically ill#mental illness#mental health
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RAHHHh ok comics done I can post this now!!! He is having the worst possible time
#fop nature au#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#dale dimmadome#art#digital art#fanart#body horror#weredeer#idk why I made myself wait until the comic was done like I didnt show the deer stuff#Ough but Im too impatient to wait any longer#current idea is that transformations are based on mental state#antlers for general stress#more animalistic when hes miserable or angry#Generally just making whatever spiral he's already in way worse#I like to think he starts getting more mentally feral when hes mad but he notices it happening and gets so scared he stops being angry#Like the idea of losing his mind makes him genuinely terrified#he exchanges one spiral for another ♥#I had some doodles that didnt fit where he had particularly overgrown antlers#have you ever seen those pictures of deer with overgrown antlers they look diseased and I wanted to capture that#they are heavy painful and most importantly very unnatural#unfortunately drawing overgrown antlers is very difficult for me and didnt look nearly as nasty as I wanted#its one of those things you can immediately pin as wrong in real life but is harder to get across in a cartoony style
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guy who's been everywhere and knows everyone
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sth#god i needed to draw something different im stuck and i hate everything i draw#i dont have the the theee energy or whatever i cant get myself to work on my art and it sucks#and idk what to do about it#ughhh#im just making ugly doodles that i hate and i feel even worse please sonic help meee save meeee#art#fanart#digital art
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well dam… how are we today???
#i cant do this they’re making me want to sob and it’s just the beginning#i have to remind myself it gets WORSE and not much better at all#annabeth chase#thalia grace#pjo thalia#annabeth pjo#leah jeffries#leah sava jeffries#pjo#percy jackson#pjoverse#pjo fandom#rrverse#pjo tv#pjo tv series#pjo tv spoilers#pjo tv show#pjo disney+#pjo tv adaptation#pjo series#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo spoilers#rick riordan
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Does anyone ever think really hard about Grian's inability to team? To stick with the same people he'd allied with at first after it shows the slightest hint of going downhill? Or about everyone's knowledge to be weary with teaming with Grian as he's notoriously disloyal with his teammates?
Cause the gutting thing is, he isn't. He isn't disloyal. He doesn't have an inability. In fact, I'd argue he is one of the few people who are tragically loyal to a fault, at least in most cases.
In Last Life, although he killed both Jimmy and Mumbo, he still felt the need to return to his allies after he'd turned red, feeling betrayed when they threw him out for being red. After that, he stuck with Joel and didn't dare betray him.
In Double Life, although he cheated on Scar and constantly complained, he stuck by Scar almost obsessively. His aim to protect him, even if he said it was for his own benefit, was painful. He didn't try to leave Scar behind like Cleo or Scott, he didn't try to sever the bond between him and Scar, nothing. It was almost like he was desperate.
In Limited Life, he was beyond loyal to his boys. He was loyal until the very end. And although he immediately switched to join the Nosy Neighbours, he didn't try to team with anyone permanently until Jimmy and Joel were dead. His silence when he realised he was truly the last Bad Boy was deafening. He hid his grief by saying that he had a backup team, just to save face, even though he built a gravestone for both boys and grieved them meaningfully.
In Secret Life, it wasn't as if he was fine with having no allied, like someone would be if they truly didn't care for loyalty, he was desperate once again. Having no teammates later in the game would hurt him, yes, but his desperation felt lonely, not power hungry. He didn't dare betray Etho nor Cleo, and stuck by them until the end. He was losing his mind on his hill before he teamed with the two, he needed to have close allies to depend on.
Now, in Wild Life, Mumbo is out of the series and Grian goes to say he needs to find some more friends, even with Skizz still around. Now, I don't think this is a power play thing, it's a desperation thing. He's hiding his grief by pretending everything is fine because if it wasn't he'd be vulnerable. For the past couple sessions, he had been working tirelessly to help get Skizz a kill so he could get off of being a red life, even to his own detriment.
Grian doesn't half ass teams. He will not team with everyone. However, he gets vulnerable when the ones that he connects to die.
Because that's how it went about in 3rd Life. He allied with Scar throughout the whole game, it starting simply because Grian felt guilty about what he'd done to Scar. He felt guilty. He stuck with him the whole game, undying loyalty, and all it ended in was him standing at the top with his best friend's blood drying on his hands.
To him, being loyal to someone like he was in 3rd Life ended badly. So, to avoid that, he found a way to still stay teamed with people, but not be left at the top of that mountain again, alone, even if his teammates die.
But so far, the curse keeps following him. He will always outlive his teammates. And this season is following the pattern, again, Mumbo dying right in front of his eyes, so close, yet so far. Always in a distance where he could've done something different, and he'd still have a teammate.
He may move from person to person, but only when they are dead or reject him. He is the forever Widow, cursed to always face his consequences, over and over and over again.
#grian#life series#traffic smp#life series smp#wild life#wild life smp#trafficblr#3rd life#last life#double life#limited life#secret life#I'M GOING CRAZY#Has to switch to desktop to write this essay out#It's all over the place but you get what I'm trying to say#I am aware you can refute some of these points but I dont care#I like creating angst for myself#I'm on the edge of writing a really angst fanfic rn#As if I already havent...#widow curse#this is very wrong in some areas but shut up i like to blag for fun to make c!Grian's life worse
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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They both lost their team and their teacher....
#in my head yuji is the only one who understands#both of them deserve a hug#idk what it is about younger people taking care of adults that hurts so much#shoko deserves to have a breakdown moment lets be honest the shit she went through#jokes on me i know exactly how shoko feels and how you just dont want to move#not only her team but also her underclassmates#and now that megs is gone#omg#and nanami who meant alot to both of them#and gojo#im just making it worse for myself#pathetic#shoko ieiri#yuji itadori#jjk#236#jujutsu kaisen#found family between these two#i need fanfictions....#itadori yuuji#yuuji#shoko#IPMSSA_Panels#IPMSSA_canon!Fixit#IPMSSA_FoundFamily!Fanart
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tomodachi Ren is doing good, putting him in silly outfits
it's going like this
#14 days with you#14dwy ren#14dwy#i've made him wear worse things but im just giving you the most socially acceptable ones#you need to have a lot of willpower and imagination to make yourself think that the version of tomodachi looks like him my brain is strong#yeah he kills and he's bad but what if i put him in dresses and stuff you knoiw#okback to my enclosure 🍖#PUBLIC EXECUTION TOMORROW FOR MYSELF TAKE ME TO THE GUILLOTINE#i don't know if i said this but i also made redacted on the game maybe i will do the same with them (they look bad too)#ok but i will try to make the next drawing a serious one ok i will try
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